Do You Ever Feel Behind?
It’s 6:15am, and I already feel behind for the day.
We’ve been up since before 5:00am, and I wish I could tell you it’s because I set my alarm early to work on my book or to work out. But instead, we are woken up to the sound of crying and screaming. Rest assured, my one-year old is totally fine. He’s just not a morning person, so about 85-90% of all the time, he wakes up not happy. (Then again, maybe waking up consistently early does make him a morning person? Anyways, please know that I do love him regardless.)
My husband, Adam, and I drag ourselves out of bed and down the stairs. Adam is prepping his bottle, and I’m just standing there watching him, barely awake. There’s a pile of dishes in the sink from the night before; I was too tired to do them. And crumbs on the counter and the floor that are probably sending signal to pesky ants everywhere, “come find me, I’m yours for the taking”. Luckily I clean them up before the local ants respond to the call.
Finally the bottle is warm enough, so it’s safe to enter our son’s room. Adam and I agreed the night before that if he handled morning duty, I can handle dishes. Anyone else spend more time plotting and reasoning before bed why the dishes can wait until the next day and how you’re going to tackle them, instead of using the time it took you to make a plan to just do the dishes? As Adam entered Averhett’s room to give him his bottle and get him ready for the day, I start to tackle the dishes. I got about half way through them when Averhett comes out of his room, clearly still sleepy. Time to get started making breakfast.
Lately his breakfast of choice has been oatmeal, and I can’t blame him. It is a comforting, warm dish this time of year after all. I like to add pumpkin and eggs to mine to give it a touch more nutrients and protein, and luckily, he doesn’t seem to mind. I start to bring the oat and milk mixture to a low boil on the stove top and put the lid on while Averhett gets busy playing. Now, back to the dishes while it finishes up.
Except for I forgot to turn down the heat after I put the lid on... Two sudsy dishes in and I hear a loud sizzle and see the pot bubbling over on the stove. I react quicker than my toddler running for the stairs when he realizes someone’s unintentionally left the gate open. I remove the lid from the pan and the pan from the heat and stir. Well, I guess breakfast is ready now. That’s when I look at the clock and see that it’s 6:15am. I begin to feel overwhelmed. Exhausted from such an early wake up. Bummed about the burnt milk and oat mixture currently cementing itself on my stove. I’ve been up for over an hour and all I’ve seemed to accomplish is make a bigger mess in my kitchen? Great. I feel behind already!
Feeling Behind
Don’t we all feel behind at different times in our life? Behind at work, behind on laundry, behind on your goals, and the list could go on and on.
I have a confession. Often, I feel behind making friends and creating community since moving here. The first year, I had a lot of patience and grace with myself. I was raising a baby, still getting used to living with and loving my husband well, and for the most part, I stayed in touch with my previous community. That year flew by though. My baby grew into a walking toddler, I started to lose touch with some close friends from my old church, and my husband was gone a lot working two jobs. My expectation that I would have just as large and life-giving of a Community Group here at my new church as my last one did not play out, and my unmet expectations quickly turned into a swirling of emotions from bitterness to frustration to sadness to overwhelm. I can’t help but feel behind in the game of life and even in my walk with the Lord. This is when my thoughts can start to spiral out of control:
“I thought I would have made more close friends by now!
Have I not reached out to enough people?
You should have invited more people over.
What have I even been doing this past year?
You’ve wasted time and opportunities you can’t get back now.
Have I not begun to connect with people in my current community yet? Someone?
ANYONE?
I need to be doing more.
I’m behind”!
The Cause
So where does this notion of “feeling behind” come from? What was it that trigged my brain to tell me I was running behind at the early hour of 6:15am? Was it the dirty dishes that remained in the sink while I created a new mess on the stovetop? At the surface level, maybe, but at the root? It was comparison.
Comparing myself to…
Other moms who I’m certain already got their workout in and showered for the day while I stand here still sporting my bed head and pajamas surrounded by a mess.
My neighbors who were possibly still in bed or just getting up for the day, envious that they didn’t have the same responsibilities in this season as I do.
My previous single, child-free life with fewer responsibilities and certainly fewer messes.
When I compare myself to a past or even future version of myself in a different season of life or I compare my life to others, I’m robbing myself of all chances of feeling like I am exactly where God wants me to be.
Again, this applies to my own current situation with lacking Christian community that once was. Why do I “feel behind” at making friends in the church and deep connections with other believers? It’s because I’m comparing my current community to my previous one. I can also be guilty of comparing my current community and church body to other churches in the area and even go so far as to compare my situation to random strangers on the internet and their seemingly perfect life of fellowship.
How do you and I change this behavior; how do we stop feeling behind? It’s actually quite simple.
We stop the comparison.
Practical Application
The Bible does not use the word “comparison” many times at all and certainly not quite in the same way as we interpret it today. Of course it uses synonyms of the word (i.e. the Bible has a lot to say about envy and jealousy) and we even see many examples of people comparing themselves to others all throughout the Bible, a comforting reminder that no sin struggle under the heavens is new (1 Corinthians 10:13). So what can we look to in God’s word for how to stop the cycle of comparing ourselves and consequently feeling behind then? I’m certain there are SO many places we can look to in Scripture for this, but here are just a few suggestions:
Running our own race (read) - When I begin to compare my life to my friends, coworkers, other church members, and influencers on the internet, I forget the truth that God has called each of us to run the race AND that my race, or path to the finish line, may look different than yours. It also will likely look different in different seasons. For instance, single me was NOT up at 5am making bottles and oatmeal. I absolutely adore this season of life and motherhood during the little years, but it would be foolish of me to compare how much I got done in a day as a single woman vs as a mom and a wife. (Not to mention, changing diapers, doing laundry, and making meals is holy work even if it doesn’t feel productive.)
Read Hebrews 12:1-2 for encouragement in running the race with endurance knowing what and WHO (Jesus!) waits for us at the finish line. The race that God has carefully planned and marked specifically for you because He loves you.
Trading comparison with contentment (write) - I find that I’m most prone to compare when I’m discontent. To help build a spirit of contentment, make a list of things in your life that are going right and that you’re just plain grateful for. Give God praise for the things on your list! Second, record any lies you’re believing related to feeling behind. Follow it with scripture and truths that combat those lies. Here’s an personable, vulnerable example from my own life to get you started:
Lie: I’m 18 months postpartum, and although I loved to work out before baby came, I’m having a hard time fitting exercise into the everchanging schedule of motherhood. Not to mention I’m just so tired most days! Other moms around me have this figured out, it must be me; I’m doing it all wrong!
Truth: While it’s not wrong to take strides in pursuing my own health, God loves me no less when I don’t. My son will not always wake up at 5am, and for this season of life, perhaps I can find contentment with pushing the stroller on walks around town. Better yet, I can praise the Lord for giving me space and time to walk and pray and commune with Him in a season where I need it most!
From feeling behind to knowing your identity (pray) - There’s no doubt any of this is easy. It’s hard work to trade our comparison with contentment, and truth be told, we will likely always have moments in life where we feel behind. There will be seasons where our life looks far from how we thought it would by a certain age and seasons where our life will look different than our friends and neighbors. But unlike the seasons that come and go, our identity in Christ is unchanging, and praise the Lord for that! Pray a prayer like this with me:
“Father God, help me to hang my hope on Your unchanging love and not on my circumstances. Help me to remember the confidence I have in Christ even when I’m feeling behind in life. No matter how much I do or don’t get done today (or this week or month or the next year…), Your love for me is still infinite and unshakeable. Help me to stop comparing myself to others and find peace and contentment with the race you’ve called me to run. May I remember that Your plans for me are good, and may You help me run with endurance for the remainder of my days. Amen”
