Hurry Is Incompatible With Love - Part 2
Have you ever read a book that really made you stop and think about things and maybe even spurred you on to change the way you live? Of course the Bible does this over and over again for us as it’s the living and active word of God (Hebrews 4:12). But there are other books out there, especially by Christian authors inspired by God’s word, that also come in to our lives that are capable of changing our minds and our habits.
The book The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer was just that for me. As I talked about in Hurry is Incompatible with Love - Part 1, this book really shook up the way I think about living an unhurried life. It’s changed the way I live and even has begun to impact how I show up in my relationships.
But how exactly are hurry and love incompatible? And what does being in a rush have to do with our relationships? Let me share a recent example.
After several unhurried days at home as a family, I had plans to get together with a friend for brunch. Because of this and the fact that Adam had already returned back to work from holiday break, I decided to take Averhett, our son, to daycare that day for quality conversation and focused time with my friend. Getting ready to get out the door that morning was rough. Averhett wanted nothing to do with “getting ready to go bye bye”. In his mind, all it meant to him was that mommy couldn’t hold him nearly as long as he wanted me too. We weren’t necessarily running behind or crazy rushed, but we also didn’t have the usual slow morning sipping coffee and reading books and sitting on the carpet playing with his new Christmas toys that we had grown accustomed to over Christmas break. Do you think Averhett felt loved that morning? The tantrums and tears told me otherwise.
Now of course there is a time and a place to hurry out the door. And in this case, I felt confident that even though Averhett didn’t feel loved that morning because I had to get ready and couldn’t hold him, I know that I have showed him before and will show him time and time again (within the same day even) that I do in fact love him and he is deserving of my time. I also knew this morning that I needed to be as close to on time as possible to meet my friend for breakfast because I wanted to respect her time away from her children as well. There is a time and a place to hurry, and we cannot always give our children exactly what they want (that is a whole other topic that we won’t get in to today). But the point is this: my son did not feel loved because I was not able to give him my time.
Time is the common factor here. Relationships require time in order for love to be known. And hurry is usually caused by a sense or actual lack of time. The two cannot go together.
This also applies to our relationship with God. God desires to be in a relationship with us, and you guessed it, this requires our time! Yet when we lead hurried, overcommitted, exhausted lives, how can we fully enjoy God or even give Him the time that we need in order to have a deep, rich relationship with our Father in Heaven?
This is where the practices I’ve gleaned from The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry come in. Although I encourage you to give the book a read yourself, I’m here to share a few of my favorite takeaways from the book that can help us slow down enough to be present in all of our relationships, but most importantly, in our relationship with the Lord.
Practical Application
Here are my favorite ways, inspired by the John Mark Comer’s book, to ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life:
Physically Slow Down to be Present
I used to think going on walks was a waste of time, truly. Prior to 2020, the year I think we all began to enjoy going on more walks, I preferred running to walking, HIIT workouts to yoga, and anything that would get me the most bang for my buck. I mean why go on a 60min walk when you can burn more calories in less time going on a 5K run?
Yikes. Thank goodness I’ve changed my mindset since then! Not that being efficient or going on a run is a bad thing by any means, but hating walking for the lack of feeling accomplished afterwards was a sign that I had a HUGE issue with idolizing productivity and accomplishment. I now love going on walks for the many pros it has including physical and mental health benefits (I honestly can’t think of any cons to choosing to go on a walk), but it’s even more than that. Slowing down to go on a walk allows me the opportunity to call a family member, invite a friend to go with me to catch up, or even just pray to God. The slower I physically move and the less rushed my walk is, the more present I am.
This is one example of many that the Lord has showed me I need to physically. slow. down. Another is just simply driving the speed limit. Why are we always in a rush to get everywhere? An unhurried car ride allows you to sit in silence and reflect, memorize scripture, or again, it presents a great opportunity to pray! Hopefully these few examples show you how physically slowing your body and not always choosing the fast lane (literally and figuratively) opens up space and time for you to be present with God and others.
2. Consider Your Boundaries with Screen Time
A text notification pops up. Then an email. A Facebook notification. Another email. Another text. A new show to binge on Netflix. The average person grabs their phone 80 times a day (picking it up almost every 12min) and the average American over 15 years spends 3 hours watching TV a day. Some quick math would tell you that’s almost 45 whole days a year on average spent watching TV. And how often are we scrolling social media on our phone, while checking our email on our laptop, while sitting in front of our favorite binge-worthy show? I won’t even go there. If these statistics don’t wake you up and maybe even convict you of your screen time a little, I’m not sure what will.
This is a tough one in today’s age, and it is honestly one of the most life changing in my opinion. I’m going to be really straight forward with this one. We have to cut back on screen time (on our phones, computers, and TVs) if we want to grow in our relationship with God and create Christ-centered community. There is simply not enough time in the day to do everything, but how often do we say the excuse “we don’t have time to attend a weekly Bible study” or “don’t have time to get into God’s word daily” but we’re checking our phone every 30min and watching at least 1hr of TV every night even if we are doing “better” than the average American.
Notice I said “cut back” on screen time instead of “cut out”. I enjoy being able to catch up with my friends over a text or call who live too far away, and our family loves a good popcorn and movie night every once in a while!
I do believe there is a healthy way to engage with screens, technology, and media in its many forms. And I also believe there is an unhealthy way. The difference between the two is simple: boundaries.
Boundaries that work for me, may not work for you and vice versa. Each of us have unique circumstances, temptations, and tolerances. I don’t personally struggle with TV as we rarely have it on in our house, and I’m just not tempted by it. On the other hand, my relationship with my phone has been more like a dramatic love affair with no happy ending. There’s too much to say about screen time boundaries and my views on social media though. To learn more about why I chose to finally delete my social media accounts in 2024 and how to finally break up with your phone, check out this post here. (LINK COMING SOON)
3. Practicing a Sabbath
Out of all the practices shared in Comer’s book on how to eliminate hurry from your life, this one was the most novel to me. Of course I knew generally speaking what a Sabbath was. I had spent time studying the Old Testament in 2024 where God first demonstrated a day of rest for us (Genesis 2:2) and then when He commanded His people, the Israelites, to keep the Sabbath as an act of obedience to God through the 10 Commandments (Exodus 20:8). I even have a few friends who try to practice the Sabbath themselves. I usually brushed it off in the past though and couldn’t really see how it would fit into my life. After all, I’m “not very good” at resting. Are any of us really? In today’s culture, people don’t always even use all their PTO their company offers and a day of doing nothing productive means your lazy. There is a lot of issues behind this way of thinking that goes deeper than if we do or don’t take a nap on Sunday or use all our vacation days. One of them Comer points out is that we have two main idols, or “twin gods”, in our culture: Accomplishment and Accumulation. Sound familiar? Accomplishment is the same idol I mentioned in my practice of Physically Slow Down to Be Present above and one of the only reasons I used to roll my eyes at going on walks. So much of our hurry points to these two idols.
So what are we to do about it? The Bible is very clear. We must crush our idols. (1 Corinthians 10:14, Galatians 5:19-21, 1 John 5:21).
One way to deny the godlessness among us and destroy our idols is to practice a Sabbath. Truly! Giving a whole day each week to doing nothing but using rest as a form of worship and only choosing things that draw us closer to Him, imagine how that could change your life. Similar to screen time boundaries, a Sabbath may look different for me than it will for you. One thing I love that Comer shares in The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry is the two guiding questions he uses to help him decide whether or not he should do something on his Sabbath to keep it set apart:
Is this rest?
Is this worship?
If the answer is “kind of, maybe, I’m not sure” then Comer advises you hold off! After all, you have 6 other days in the week to do that stuff.
The Sabbath isn’t easy and won’t happen over night, but I urge you to consider it. Remember it as the Lord commanded, and perhaps you try it on for size. Who knows, it may end up being your favorite day of the week you long for on Thursday and Friday and the day that fuels you on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.
Because of the freedom we have in Christ, the Sabbath is no longer something we keep because we must in order to have a righteous standing before God. Jesus already did that for us on the cross. The Sabbath is now a GIFT that God offers to those who love Him. Will you accept it?
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Resources:
Avg. person grab phone daily statistic (crossrivertherapy)
15-year or older American avg. daily TV (Statista)
